they declared me an 'intellectual inferno' on OKCupid. they're right. it was about sex. they are still right.

i haven't been here for quite a while. it was proven again that i cannot keep it up with a journal.
too bad !! there were some beautiful days, some beautiful nights. i had some solitary, stray thoughts to write here. which scattered away together with the feelings behind them.

i just remember the night, with everybody sleeping. dark and open window. it's a special feeling then to look out from behind the curtain, while some classical music is being played inside. safe and adventurous in the same time, ruling over the city, mastering the peaceful night. from my nutshell. ( oh, Hamlet !)

and this is what i wanted to write about one week ago:

I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD

yes, it is true ! what a world!

meanwhile i've been called a stalker. and it's fun to think about it. i'm too intellectual not to be one, i would say. just give me something interesting, just give me sth to explore ! the more intriguing and complex, the better. and if possible, able to change every now and then, to invent, to be alive, to create, to play, to think, to provoke. and to be vulnerable in the same time.

now sth else about me is how open i am, so open that people mistake it for sth else in fact. no, don't get the wrong idea: sth else is also possible. yeah, maybe i should write here more often. this world is so intricate and imperfect; man, how i love it ! what an adventure !

oh, how i want to travel all around !! how i have all these ideas !!

girded, hot brains i have, gizas !!

patches of light and a beautiful wind. the festival for contemporary music. that rococo interior is perfect for these sounds. i like mixtures..

listening to tango yesterday, gotan project, enjoying the moment(s), some laziness, some thinking,some in love, the curtain full of sun gently swaying, open window.

sometimes life is amazingly beautiful. especially when i travel by bus and watch out of the window. and when i hear something like that flute in the morning.

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sth. from one of my favourite persons. i wonder what !!

learning for finnish, beautiful language. plans to go to finland in the summer. all excited. can already feel that air of freedom. travelling, travelling..

in love with last.fm. so much philosophy !

it's too late now. tomorrow i'll write some things here, maybe.
of course..i've been breaking my decision ever since i took it.

and i'm listening to these sonatas and i'm not going to say how i'm thinking of somebody. listening together or whatever..

jazz concert tonight. not that interesting;i wanted to leave earlier, but was just too lazy. i liked the romanian singer, though. again many regrets for having lost dorit chrysler. as i expected, nobody understands..

i have to take a decision(maybe also stick to it?!) i must start learning hard(no kidding!!), the next weeks are full.and... i cannot afford falling in love ( is there a way to stop it?!)( do i want to stop it?!). anyway, not like this.
i must concentrate on my exams and the things i have to do, damn it!
i'm going to read and study a lot(wow!) and get out of this feeling.(really?!) or at least keep it under control.(hm...)
i mean, all my thoughts are focused somewhere around her..
i should remind you, persona, there are some people waiting: gombrowicz, danilo kis, kouwenaar, lucebert, to mention only some of them.

already entered the day. i mean 2 years ago somebody fell in love with me. i was already deeply caught into it. i still have strong feelings for her. too strong.

it's late and i can't tear away from this music.